“How can one be homesick for a home that one never had?”

- Svetlana Boym (2001)

I come from a long line of tailors, hustlers, witches, musicians, lovers
survivors
I am an ancient sock
mended by hands across time
coffee garlic prayer kiss rugs boxes honor rage resistance
I came into existence amidst two layers of denial: one as the descendant of Armenian genocide survivors who fled to an immigrant suburb of Scarborough (Canada) by way of Beirut (Lebanon); and the other as a Canadian citizen who was born onto lands painfully colonized through the genocide of indigenous peoples.

I arrive in the world today as queer woman, artist, facilitator, and student.
If diasporic Armenian identity was based on a soundbite it would be
NEVER FORGET!

as in, never forget the Armenian Genocide

as in, the Ottoman empire’s systematic deportation and extermination of 1.5 million Armenians

For Armenians as a whole, it would be
ARMENIANS WERE THE FIRST
to adopt christianity as their official religion!
(to make wine)
(to make shoes)
(to become civilized)

although more realistically it was more of a declaration
for most Armenians, it is as if we only truly began to exist from this moment,
in 301 A.D.

As an Armenian woman, I have witnessed, experienced, and fought against the shaming and oppression of women and queers who live on the margins of our communities, both in the diaspora and current republic. And, it is here that I must name some of my privilege as a diasporan in the context of my family’s history of migration/displacement:

My ancestors escaped Ottoman Turkey during the genocide // while others drowned in the Euphrates and marched to their deaths into the Syrian desert. My family escaped Beirut during the civil war and immigrated to Canada // it’s easier to leave home when you have options. I was born into a seemingly liberal family, in a seemingly progressive country // with access and capacity for upward mobility. I go to and from Armenia as I please // again, it’s easier to return home when you have options.

My wounds,
this severance -- lives through and beyond my own flesh. My commitment to understanding and taking steps towards easing the discord is my only light - for the time being.